Welcome to 2009, friends! I bet you all thought I used up all my words in December. Not so much. It's not that I can't find any words to write right now. My problem is finding the RIGHT words. Like any other overworked mom with too many chores and a full time job, I'm just not able to pick out WHICH thing to start with first. I have too many things in my head and on my mind. So rather than give you any of them, I've been sitting on all of them.
But that ship has sailed. When in doubt, go with the blog with a message. And so we begin the year of our Lord, 2009.....
I took a really nasty fall a few weeks ago. A real agony of defeat, ass over heels sort of sprawl across an icy parking lot. Thank heavens I thought quickly enough to use the right side of my face to break my fall against a nearby parked car. Miraculously, my ridiculously expensive jeans were unscathed, despite the fact that I chewed a hole in my knee the size of a softfall. I scraped my knee up badly, bruised my face, and torqued the crap out of my shoulder, but at the time, all that really seemed broken was my fragile ego.
Or so I thought. A week or so passed, and my shoulder was feeling progressively worse. It hurt so badly that it was keeping me awake at night. So I finally gave in and went to the see the doctor, begging for some relief from the unrelenting pain. You know, with all my free time and free money.
As I sat waiting to see the doctor, my mind was filled with SO. MUCH. STUFF...!
I am struggling with an old relationship, long long gone, but truly, finally over. *More about that later, I promise.
I am FREAKED OUT about my show coming up in less than a month. Sales aren't where they should be, my phone is ringing off the wall, my team isn't doing what I want and need them to do. And, my show is coming up. In case you missed it the first time, in LESS. THAN. A. MONTH.!
MrG and I have some big expenses to cover. And yet, our income is the same. Where the hell is our bailout?
I'm going to be on the road. That means time away, which means LOTS of prep work for me. It takes me about two weeks to get ready for everything that will still need to happen, even while I'm away.
The laundry is piling up, and that damn Christmas tree is still up. Yes, the Twelve Days of Christmas has passed, but my arm and shoulder have hurt too much to remove its remnants. Or fold the laundry, or cook a decent batch of flour tortillas for my poor family who is wasting away in front of me.
And, I'm sitting in this fricking office waiting for the doctor to quit flirting with the cute pharmaceutical rep in an effort to get more free samples for his goodie cabinet.
I can't wind down enough or focus to listen to my audiobook. And while I have the Pride & Prejudice ebook loaded on my iPhone, I can't even pay attention to that. I opt instead to play iPhone Bingo. Push the iPod button, hit the Shuffle key, and pray that what comes out soothes my soul.
This, for the uninitiated, is comparable to Bible Verse Bingo. You know the game. Your soul is hurting, or you're waiting on a sign from above so you know what life lesson chess move the universe is suggesting that you make. So you grab the closest bible, close your eyes, open it randomly to a page, and push your finger RIGHT on the verse that will solve your immediate problem. I have friends who swear by this. My faith isn't that strong, so I play iPhone Bingo instead.
I somehow manage to fish my phone out of my purse using my one good arm, and find the Shuffle button. I press it, and the song that comes out could not have been more perfect if I had custom ordered it myself. All it took was one song, Martina McBride's In My Daughter's Eyes....
In my daughter's eyes I am a hero,
I am strong and wise,
and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see, she was sent to rescue me
I see who I want to be, in my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe, in my daughter's eyes
And when she wraps her hand around my finger
It puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light, it's in my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes I can see the future,
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave, maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see
how happy she made me
For I'll be there, in my daughter's eyes
I would like to say that in the blink of an eye, my pain was gone, and that everything was right and good in the world. But that would be a lie. Truth is, my shoulder hurt until I got home a little later and swigged my special vicodin and muscle relaxer cocktail, followed by a merlot chaser.
But at that moment, my soul hurt a little less. It takes the edge off to know that in my child's eyes, I am strong and unafraid. Fake it till you make it, the pros say. And so I shall.
I shudder to think how differently my evening might have gone if the Almighty iPhone had chosen Jimmy Buffet's Why Don't We Get Drunk And Screw, Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl, or The Talking Heads' Burning Down the House.
Never question the wisdom of the iPhone. Thank you, Steve Jobs, for the good you've done.