Oh Horton, sweet Horton, your town is now wet.
You can buy beer at the Kroger, I bet!
So take yourself in there, and get you a cart.
And begin at the wine aisle, a fine place to start!
As you pick up your chips and your hot sauce and beer.
No more driving to Dallas, you can buy ALL of it here!
Your queso, your bean dip, your snack mix galore.
A six pack, a twelve pack, hell, why not buy more?
A person’s a person, no matter how small.
And that person can like his beer short, or beer tall.
Your beer is your beer, no matter the size.
Buy it in Irving – that is your prize!
You can and you should, buy beer at this store
And when you run out, you come back and buy more!
Or go to the next store, the one down the street.
And buy some at that store – this is really QUITE neat.
We’ve waited a long time to buy beer in this town
While the non-drinkers were holding us drinking folk down!
But those days are over. That ship has now sailed.
The drinkers have triumphed while the nondrinkers wailed.
So, Horton, my friend, buy your wine and your beer.
In your hometown of Irving, this city right here!
And enjoy yourself, as is your right.
And know that we’ve won a really big fight.
~ Lady Steele, modern Superhero, with apologies to Dr. Seuss