Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Hump day adventures

My day got off to a rough start. I was up WAY too late last night working on a project, so I was grumpy and out of sorts when my alarm clock went off. Our morning schedule was rushed because I had to get LittleG ready to go with her dad, and I headed off to a dentist appointment.

Dentist appointments to me are just about equal in "ick factor" to going to the gynecologist. I hate going to the dentist, but I'm religious about it because I am about one handful of granola away from needing a mouthful of crowns.

Anyway, I can't stand it because you have to sit in this really horrible chair that's not comfortable, no matter how they have you reclined. There are x-rays, and plaque, and nasty gritty tooth polish. You have to hold your mouth open for freaking eternity while three different people poke and scrape an pick and chisel at God only knows what kind of ickiness. I should mention that I think the hygienist hates me and sometimes she picks at imaginary stuff just to make me squirm. By the time I get out of there, my hair is all smooshed up, whatever makeup I managed to apply before the appointment is long gone, my gums are puffy and sore, and my jaw hurts like hell from propping open the old choppers for more than an hour. And I haven't had my coffee yet. And did I mention I woke up grumpy? Clearly things have not improved my overall disposition.

I'm on the other side of town from my regular Starbucks, so I go down the road to the place I call The Arrogant Starbucks. I call them this because this particular location is always very busy. No one there is very nice, and I'm pretty sure that the peple who work there get together every morning and remind themselves how important they are to the well being of the neighborhood and that they don't really need to be nice to us, the customers. Ok, already. I get it. We are standing 10 deep in line today to give you our money for a $5 latte. You alone are the keeper of the key to the magic medicine cabinet where the cheap legal addictive stimulants are kept. And yes, today it is 28 degrees in the hood, so your lines are extra long. You are the king of all that is good in the world. Please, though I am not worthy, share your caffeine with me.

So, I am having the equivalent of the pissy-mood trifecta today: grumpy, dentist appointment, and now, The Arrogant Starbucks.

I am standing there in line when the kind of guy I really can't stand comes up behind me. He looks like a frat boy who skated through college on daddy's money and has somehow managed to land himself an overpaid job. He's dressed in a crisp white dress shirt, untucked, over jeans, and the most ridiculous square-toed shoes I think I've ever seen. He's got his fancy bluetooth headset on and he gets a call that goes like this:

"Yo, dude. Just rolled up for my nine with Bento. Can I hit you back in a few?" You cannot make this stuff up.

Can someone, anyone, please, for the love of all that is holy tell me what the hell that means?

Before I can kick him in the shin, luckily, my turn comes to pay, and I move along to the second line to wait for my coffee. Headset dude saunters by and heads to the little boy's room. When he returns, his shirt is nicely tucked in and he looks ready for his nine with Bento, whatever that means.

The bitchy barrista is finishing up with my order, which today is much larger than usual because I treated myself to a nice hot chocolate, hoping that would soothe my tattered soul after the beating I took at the dentist.

Headset dude, clearly impatient to get on with Bento, steps in front of me and says to the bitchy barrista, "Is that my iced sugar free green tea with extra water?" She glares at him and says, "Might be. I'll check when I'm finished with her order." I'm pretty sure she winked at me when she said it. Well played, my friend, well played.

I'm certain that getting called out by the not so bitchy after all barrista deflated Headset dude's ego just a smidgen. In the blink of an eye, he morphed from ultra-cool boy to a chided child, embarrassed in front of all his homies at the Starbucks.

And that makes The Arrogant Starbucks not so bad a place after all. Happy Humpday, all.

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