Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Boy and a choice

I have to start this post with a shout out to MrG, the man I stood with before God and our families ten years ago and promised to love forever. I meant it then, and I mean it now. If you doubt me for a minute, please click here: For MrG....Every day, you choose to stay. Go ahead. I'll wait.

It amazes me that teenagers, driven by hormones and stupidity, are empowered to make decisions that change their lives forever. Case in point: I met a boy in March of 1985, my senior year in high school. Our attraction to each other was strong and immediate, and we were inseparable until I left for college in the fall.

First stupid mistake - I left for a LOCAL college in the fall. Never mind that I had already been accepted at Texas A&M (three suitable hours away) and would have made my old man proud had I gone to his Alma Mater. I opted, in all my glorious teenage wisdom, to attend North Texas, which was about 45 minutes from my parents, and about 39 minutes from The Boy's house.

We dated throughout my freshman year in high school - he came to town frequently and stayed with me in the dorm (I know, shame on us!), and I came home on the weekends he wasn't there with me. My grades were good and things were going just as I had planned. At the end of my freshman year, my GPA was 3.67. Life was grand and glorious for us, until he decided one day that it wasn't, and then he dumped me cold. Broke my heart into a million little tiny pieces. Here I was 45 long minutes from home, heartbroken and lonely. Boo-effen-hoo. I moved home over the summer and then returned to school and got my first apartment in the fall.

Second stupid mistake - 19 year old girls should NEVER live alone. Be smart. Get a roommate. Better yet, get two or three, and make sure they are good, responsible ones. Pay attention here, LittleG.

My sophomore year was a disaster. I worked a lot and partied a lot and rarely went to class. Much to my father's chagrin, I got a dog. By the end of sophomore year, my GPA had plummeted to a 1.47. You gotta drink a lot of beer and miss a lot of school to drop your GPA that far in just two semesters. Trust me.

Finally, my little sister graduated high school, and she went away to Texas A&M like a happy little Second Generation Aggie should. Thank heavens she let me go with her. I needed a change of pace and a fresh start, so I packed my suitcases and grabbed the dog, and took off to live with my sister.

It took me two years of working my butt off at the local junior college to get my GPA up high enough to get back into the school that by all accounts I should have been graduating from at that point in time.

Texas A&M was good for me. I learned a lot. I made some really nice life-long friends. I finally got my Aggie Ring, then my diploma, then my payment coupons for my student loans. I was ready to head out into the world on my own. Instead, I moved home with my parents and hooked up again pretty fast with The Boy, who by now had been married and divorced and had a young son of his own.

Third stupid mistake - girls, don't do it! The post-breakup relationship is already doomed. It didn't work the first time, and it's not going to work the second time. Especially when there is a child involved!!

The Boy and I hooked up a few times and enjoyed each other's company, which was working pretty well for me. At least it seemed that way, until one night it didn't. That night, I was in line at the movies with my BFF, when I spied a mighty fine pair of Wrangler jeans on a boy with a smokin' bod. It took my mind a few solid minutes to come to grips with the fact that the smokin' bod belonged to The Boy and was now draped around a skanky ho. It hit me at that moment that I was good enough to stay home with, but the skanky ho was the one who was good enough to take out. I never talked to him again after that night.

Broken heart, part 2. You try keeping it together in line for the Pelican Brief, when your first true love is in line 50 feet away from you with another girl.

Thank heavens for
best friends and John Grisham movies. I made it through that evening, somehow, then the days and weeks that followed. I met MrG pretty quickly after the Movie Event That Scarred Me For Life, and the rest, they say, is history.

The Boy and I still live in the same city, about five miles apart. I saw him at the grocery store a couple years ago, toting a tow-headed child down the cereal aisle. If my own child had been behaving like a human, and if I had looked like I had made any effort to dress like a grown up that day, I might have approached him to say hello. But coward that I am, I ducked behind the rotisserie chicken stand and let him drag his kid out of the store without speaking to him.

I accidentally stumbled upon The Boy recently. I was on a high school friend's facebook page, and the page referenced another friend's myspace page. I clicked her myspace page and read several comments that others had written. As social networking tends to go, I was soon clicking into myspace pages of people I had not thought about in years. Some levels of clicking into it, I came across a comment that The Boy had left on the page of a friend of a friend of a friend. I was shocked to see his name so I clicked in to his page for a quick trip down memory lane.

He's still smokin' hot, and now he has the tattoo to prove it. He's married and has a second child, about the same age as LittleG. Must have been the tow-headed kid at the Kroger, but I couldn't say for sure. I was shocked to see that he still has the same job he had when we began dating in the 80s. Points for him for staying with something so long. I think the only way anyone keeps a lifetime job these days is that they've struck the perfect balance between loyalty, good attendance, a strong work ethic and pure dumb luck.

He's a total blue collar guy and lists his hobbies as Harley Davidsons and Heavy Metal. Under his Favorite Books section, he writes "who has time to read?" His prized possession? Not his wife or his kids. Instead, it's his Harley. This, by the way, is not a judgment of people who own Harleys. I'm sure they are lovely motorcycles. They just aren't my cup of tea.

It sends shivers down my spine to think that half a lifetime ago, The Boy was THE ONE for me. How little I knew about him then, and how little I knew about myself, or about the grownup I would become and the life I would have some day.

Really, can you see how things might have been for me? College educated snobby elitist career mom who drives a minivan and never fails to read something for pleasure, every day, married to a lifelong mechanic who loves his motorcycle more than his wife and never picks up a book? For heavens sake, he's a myspacer, and I'm a facebooker. That is Judge Judy just waiting to happen, friends.

I think back now over all the spilled tears and the hours I wasted pining away for The Boy when he was never meant for me. He was teenage folly, pure and simple.

And yet, as a teenager, I made decisions that inexorably changed the path my life would take. I get it that grownups make life altering decisions all the time. But a teenage kid? Holy Mother of Pearl!

I chose a lousy college, then almost trashed my academic career when things didn't go my way. How different would life have been for me if I'd followed the original plan and started at A&M like I should have? I know for certain that my relationship with my father would have been different. My student loan balance would have been lower, and I would have drowned a lot fewer brain cells.

I would not have wasted money on classes I didn't attend or paid rent for an apartment where I didn't really live. Don't get me wrong - my stuff was there, and I slept there more often than not, but it never felt like home for me.

I might not have engaged in really risky alcohol and stupidity fueled behaviors. I might have eaten right and gotten enough rest. I might have been smart enough not to got behind the wheel of a car when I had no business doing so. I probably still would have run around with bad boys - some habits are just hard to break.

All of this, in the name of a relationship that was never meant to be.

Perhaps, though, had I made different decisions, then my life after college would have gone in another direction. I might have missed MrG entirely. And missing MrG would mean missing LittleG. And that's just not acceptable.

I am thankful, overall, l when I look back at the choices that I made. I never hurt myself or others. I got some bumps and bruises and learned some really hard lessons. I paid off my student loans, found a job that fulfills me professionally and personally, and eventually met and fell in love with a really great guy. We have a beautiful daughter, a mortgage, and a minivan. Nary a Harley Davidson in sight.

Eventually, LittleG will be a teenager and then a young adult. And it scares me to death that she, too, will have the wherewithal to make life changing decisions, without having the wisdom to do so smartly. I hope someday that the universe intervenes in her life like it did in mine. Because sometimes it's the wishes that didn't come true that really matter.


Stuart said...

Great BLOG entry Lady Steele. I'm a Lost nerd, super geeky, and the ending of this entry reminds me of that show --- at one point the Locke and Sawyer characters are talking about warning their 'past' selves of some truth or the way something works out --- Sawyer is for it. To miss the pain, whereas the Locke character says, he wouldn't be who he is now, in real time, or what passes for real time on Lost without that pain and those experiences. Deep thoughts for sure. Excuse the Lost fanboy geekiness everybody. I just had to chime in since I enjoyed this so. Carry on.

Chad and Mary Kate Martin said...

While not really the point -- you don't know that life would have been so peach keen following the other road. I am glad that you can't take any of it back and even happier that you don't want to. Can't imagine my life with out my lady superhero friend -- certainly makes my life better.

I do have to admit though I have a tough time envisioning you at keggers and such - in your Christmas theme sweaters!! :-)