My spam filter, my friend, Monday Morning Edition

Sorry. I just couldn't let these go without a little Monday morning commentary.

We know the method to quit the aging process. Yeah, me too! It’s called death.

Sick of instant headaches? With us you can forget about them. They’ll still hurt like hell, but you just won’t remember them.

Prove to your wife that there still can be a lot of flame in your bed. That’s right kids, fire!!

A complete man consists of virility, stamina, endurance, and strength. Not a sense of humor, good job, intelligence of any kind. Sounds pretty damn incomplete to me.

Know the exact time at any part of the world. Oh, look! It’s 8:37 pm in Sri Lanka! My life is complete now.

Forget about depression and be in a perfect mood all the time. I know, I shouldn’t be tempted, but somehow I want this.

Have a look at medicine of unbelievable quality but funny prices. I don’t even know what this means.

You can look great without any special efforts. That’s right, ladies. Don’t primp, preen, or pluck. No effort whatsoever. Somehow I think this ties in to the pharmaceuticals referenced above.

We got medicine to cure any illness you suffer from. Oh yeah? Seems to me like all you got is bad grammar. A preposition is a horrible thing to end a sentence with. Ha!

When you feel that your virility is already dead, call us us. Because we we are offering special members only virility death ceremonies.

We offer the best alarm-clocks for your little friend down there. Goodness. Every little friend I’ve ever known has been able to get up without the aid of an alarm.

Our common secret! How secret can it be if it’s common?

Lose that fat without exercise. And while you’re at it, bank a million bucks without a job, and solve world hunger without feeding anyone.

A complete male in bed is always ready. In bed, yes! In the garage? In the back yard? In the kitchen? Not so much.

Make her sweaty and exhausted. Yeah, baby! Nothin’ says “I feel pretty” like sweaty and exhausted.