For MrG....Every day, you choose to stay.

MrG, this one is for you. Just as I did for our precious baby girl (see sdfgarcia: For Little G3), I feel obliged to pay tribute to the decision you make every day to be a part of our lives.

You stood with me nine years ago in front of God and our family and friends and pledged to be there for me and with me, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, forsaking all others till death do we part.

I wonder if you really knew then what you were signing on for? True, we had been together for nearly five years, and certainly you knew what I brought to the party. I wonder though, if you had any idea what our life together would bring.

Did you know then how much you would love me, exhausted and bleary eyed, nursing our newborn baby? Did you have any inkling of the inner turmoil that being a husband and dad entailed? Did you know the absolute joy of being a beloved Daddy would bring you?

Nine years later, every day, you choose to stay. Where a lesser man would run screaming from the room, you have planted yourself like a giant oak tree, sturdy and stong.

You never gripe when the house gets all cluttered, or the laundry goes undone for so long that we either have to wash or buy new clothes. Ok, so you gripe about it sometimes, but those times are few and far between.

You never complain if what I feed you comes from a drive-through. And when I do cook, you really, truly don't care what it is. I am so thankful that even though your mom fed you homemade meals every day of your life, that you never fuss when I don't. And I love it that Sunday morning "big breakfast" has become a part of the tradition that is our family.

You tolerate my personal quirks and live with the total insanity that living with a four-year old brings. If my odd hobbies offend you in any way, you keep it to yourself and just let me do what I need to do for my own peace of mind and sanity. Sometimes you flick me some crap about it, but that's just you being you. I know you tolerate me and my oddities, and I know you delight in being contrary when you can.

You work weird hours sometimes, even when your job requires a trip out of town, or a Saturday night at the office. You do it because we are yours and you do what it takes to take care of us, even if that means giving up a Saturday night. I've said many times before, and I mean it - thank you for working so hard to take care of us.

You are truly happy just to have time with your girls. A lazy weekend afternoon taking a family nap makes you happy, and just spending time together is all you need. How different our world would be if we were overscheduling us just for the sake of crossing "stuff" off a to-do list.

I look around at the broken marriages and lives of people we know, and I just feel like I should acknowledge and validate for you that I know making a life with someone else isn't easy. You could pack your stuff and go - just leave and be done with the clutter and the craziness any time.

And yet, every day, you choose to stay. And every day, I love you more than the one before.

Love,
MrsG.

Toilet Tattoos??

From the Friday Are You Kidding Me Files.....

Toilet Tattoos, the only way to crown your throne. In case you're wondering, a Toilet Tattoo is a vinyl stick on for your toilet lid. If you'll cruise their website, www.toilet-tattoos.com, you'll find toilet training, and seasonal themes to fit your every mood.

From the Moose at Sunset for your early morning tinkle to the Butterflies-a-flutter after too much Mexican Food, Toilet Tattoos enhance your potty experience like the JC Penney catalog never could.

For the patriotic out there, you can order your very own Stars & Stripes version, right in time for the superbowl of patriotic holidays. Good times, friends. Good times.

The good news is they are hygenic and re-usable. Thank heavens, if they are reusable, at least they are hygenic. At least as hygenic as something located in the bathroom can be. Where in the world would one store a hygenic toilet cover after its removal from the toilet? Linen cabinet? Garage? So much to consider.

Goodness gracious.

¡No hablo español!

Can some marketing guru out there please answer this question for me? This is making me CRAZY, and I don't know why it's ok that this is happening.

Three times this week, I have received advertisements written entirely in Spanish. Once each from Time Warner Cable, Direct TV, and Disney. When I say entirely, I mean ENTIRELY - not a single English word appeared on any of the pieces. Even the number that Direct TV had on its flyer was answered by a Spanish speaker, and when I asked to speak to someone in English, he hung up on me. When I called back, it happened again.

My last name may be Garcia, but I married into it. My maiden name is Fenley, and I have blue eyes and freckles and don't speak a lick of Spanish. I live in Texas, not Mexico.

For some reason, the folks pulling the trigger on these marketing messages seem to think it's ok to send someone with an hispanic surname something written entirely in Spanish.

To me, this is the marketing equivalent of racial profiling. It's offensive to me. And it's a waste of their marketing dollars and my time.

Don't get me wrong - my mother in law speaks very little English, and I don't have a problem with materials being directed at what is becoming a ginormous demographic in Texas, and elsewhere in the US.

What I do resent is the total waste that this is creating. Anything you mail me that's written all in Spanish goes right into the recycle bin. What a shame for you that the product or service you're trying to sell me may be perfect for me, but I'll never know, because you wasted precious resources, postage, and my time sending me something that I cannot possibly read.

Everyone, from grocery stores to the government, is now taking steps to be sure our hispanic population can get by here in the land of English. It takes time and money for these folks to print their materials in both languages, so I don't think it's unfair to ask that folks marketing to me make the same effort.

I'm in sales, but I never took any marketing classes in college, so it may be that I just don't get it. I'd love an opinion from your side.....

Do I Look Like a Freakin' "Hon" to You??

WTF? Why has it become commonplace, accepted even, for a total stranger to refer to me as "hon" or "sweetie" during the course of a business conversation? The only thing worse on my piss-off-o-meter is to get "no problem hon" (see sdfgarcia: The problem with "no problem").....

Is it that we've dumbed down our kids so much that they don't see anything wrong with addressing a stranger as hon?

I'm a grown up. I went to college, graduated, and paid off every cent of student loans. I have a job. I have a family. I own a home. More important, I'm YOUR CUSTOMER. You know, the lifeblood of your business? The person who directly impacts your bottom line? If the first part of this paragraph isn't enough to convince you that I'm not a "hon" then the last part should.

Calling me hon is patronizing and disrespectful. If I'm important enough to be shopping with you, buying coffee from you, or depositing my money in your financial institution, I would think that you would be smart enough not to refer to me like I'm your three year old niece.

As far as I'm concerned, NO ONE should call me hon or sweeetie, including MrG and I've been sleeping with him for 14 years!

If you're in service or sales, and who really isn't to one degree or another these days, PLEASE find some other filler for your conversations - how about miss, or ma'am, or Mrs. Garcia, or Stephanie?? For the Love of Pete (whoever the hell Pete really is), please please please drop the hon!!

Desiderata

My mom had this poem by Max Ehrmann hanging in her sewing room when I was growing up. I must have read it a million times, and yet it still takes my breath away every time I read it. Depending on where I am and what's going on in my life, some passages speak to me more loudly than others. After all these years, it's still just like a good friend who knows exactly what to say.....enjoy!

~ Desiderata ~

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Hugs,
S

Random stuff for a Tuesday

I've gotta get better at this stuff. You people are beginning to find me when I post on other blogs, and I'm feeling pretty bad that I'm not "bringing it" like the rest of you. So, at least once a week, I will try to get something inked.

A funny funny joke I got today.....

How to tell if you are married:

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman: The other night when my fiance came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'

I regret to inform you all that after I sent this to MrG at work, he addressed me as Batman upon his arrival at Casa Garcia.

Next week, who knows?
Hugs,
S

People get paid WELL to do this?!?

I read today that the lady who blogs at dooce.com makes $40,000 A. MONTH. blogging. Are you freaking kidding me??? Sadly, I know people who don't make that much in a year. And this woman sits at home typing up a storm (and managing small children and a household, I might add) and pulls in nearly $500K a year. Her husband quit her job to manage the income from their website.

Seriously. Wow.

Happy Birthday, Dad

Happy Birthday, Dad....yeah, I know your birthday was yesterday, but I was paralyzed with grief and sadness and I just couldn't face this.

It's hard to believe you've been gone now for more than two years. I feel terrible saying this, but part of me was so relieved when you left us because I knew that the fear and the sadness and the pain were gone for you. I'm thankful you departed this world with your faith intact, and I hope you found what you were looking for on the other side.

I also feel bad for saying I wish you were still with us. I feel guilty as hell wishing you were still here knowing that you were hurting so much then, and that it would surely be worse now.

I miss you, Dad. I find it odd that after all this time, I still look for your truck on the street and think about calling you for random fatherly advice. I know in my heart that you're gone, and yet......

My heart hurts to know that Gabriela won't really have any memories of you at all. It kills me to see little Addison, so much like you, and to know that she missed out on knowing you. And I'm sad for us all that we missed seeing you with her. She is a pistol, and you would have loved every single cell in her blonde-haired, blue-eyed body.

We're told all of our lives that our parents will eventually leave us, but I didn't really get it until it happened to us. The finality of it all is almost overwhelming, and it sneaks up on me when I least expect it.

I am so sorry that I didn't take more time for you while you were here. I feel so bad for cutting you short on calls to the office, because I was too busy, and for blowing you off on the weekends for whatever ridiculous excuses I came up with. I regret like hell that I didn't realize then what I was giving up now.

I cherish the good times we did spend together, and I just wish there had been more of them. More than any monetary inheritance, I realize that what we leave for the ones behind are the memories - both happy and sad.

I would do anything to spend just a few happy hours with you to let you know how much I love you.

I have to believe that heaven for you includes a computer that is better than the piece of crap you had when you were here, and I hope that somehow you stumble upon my words to you.

Happy Birthday, Dad. I love you.

Play Nicely, Please

There is just too damn much "mean" going on out there right now. As a shout out to decent folks and happiness, here are 10 things you can do TODAY to brighten someone else's day.

1. Open the door and hold it for the person behind you.
2. At the grocery store, let the guy behind you with just a few items move in front of you in line.
3. Smile and say thank you when someone helps you.
4. Instead of pushing your floor button frantically, hold the elevator for the person a few steps back.
5. Give up your seat on the bus, subway, tram, or shuttle.
6. I know you're beat down from a day at the office, but that guy you live with? The one who promised to love you till death do you part? Ask him about his day and really mean it. And when he answers, really listen.
7. Spend time just being present for your kid(s). Listen, make eye contact, hug, kiss, repeat.
8. Let someone merge in front of you on the freeway.
9. Buy a hot chocolate for someone cold, or a sandwich for someone hungry.
10. When in doubt, take the high road. Better to be nice than not.

With the exception of #9, these are all FREE, easy ways we can bring a little love to the people around us. I promise you, it will all come around to you!

For Little G3

Before I start this, I have to credit Goodnight, Mom, whose idea I am blatantly stealing this week. I found her on Lincee’s website and bumped to her blog, then became instantly enamored with something she did for her own daughter.

I have high hopes that someday this will be around for my kid to see. It’s hard to know in this digital age what will stand the test of time and what will be relegated to the dumping ground. I hope this lasts.

My precious baby girl turned four this week, and it seems like her little life is just flying by in front of my eyes. I met my brand new niece over Thanksgiving, and holding her and feeding her and loving her and drinking in the pure goodness that she is brought back such a rush of feelings for me. My daughter is the only one I’m ever going to have, and those precious sweet baby days feel like a lifetime ago.

I was struck by a sudden urge to somehow document every single miraculous, amazing, hysterical thing she does, because I fear tomorrow it will all be gone and replaced by some awkward teenage girl who hates me. In fact, I’m certain of that, which makes this all the more urgent.

So this is for you little G3, and everything you bring to the table.

• “Tumember, Mom” instead of “remember, Mom”
• I love you 60 pounds
• I don’t love you people!
• Diego? We date.
• Slideout
• Ok, Mom, here’s the deal.
• Fine. Whatever.
• Beltseat
• I’m still married with Mr. Duck.
• No, Uncle Jim, it’s Son Of A Bitch!
• YOU have cute shoes
• Cocktails and Starbucks – both are ok when you’re four.
• Hot cogs and mac and cheese. The two major food groups.
• Breakfast bars and juice boxes. The two minor food groups.
• This is gonna take like 50 hours.
• What time is it?
• OH MY GOSH!! Eye roll…..
• I can have a baby after college. What is college again?
• Thank you sir.
• Sleepy, whispery “yes ma’am”
• Tanilla ice cream and milk shakers
• Dora and Dragon Tales, Higglytown Heroes and Handy Manny
• Toddler music
• Daddy, the Aggies won the football game! The Aggies won the football game!
• Do you still love me?
• That’s what pull-ups are for!!!
• Anything Barbie or Disney Princess
• The Mommy and the Daddy and the Sweetie
• Monsters are afraid of Dads and dogs
  

As I sit it at my desk and listen to her night-night music on the baby monitor, it’s all I can do to keep from running down the hall and picking her up and holding on for dear life.

So, goodnight my little lovebug. Sleep tight, and wake safe! I'll see you in the morning.

Finding your passion at work

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why my job makes me happy, and why it even matters that I’m happy at the office. I’ve decided that what you do in life is not nearly as important as how what you do makes you feel.

I sell exhibit trade show space. What does that mean exactly? When you go to a trade show, exhibit, or fair, there are people there in the booths. These people are probably going to try to sell you things. For example, when I was pregnant, I went to a Baby Fair. There were stroller guys there, and bottle guys, and pacifier guys, and diaper guys, and safety product guys. Some schmuck somewhere had to contact these exhibitors, sell them the space, process their payments, and help them with show logistics. I am that schmuck. It’s my job to sell the show experience to our exhibitors. But if you get right down to it, I basically sell 10x10 pieces of concrete for a living. And my customers don’t even buy the concrete, they just rent it for a few days.

There’s nothing glamorous about what I do. I sell them their space, maybe some advertising, and for the smart ones, some sponsorship opportunities. I don’t sell fancy jewelry, high end electronics, or fancy cars. Just 10x10 pieces of concrete. So, why exactly, does this job make me happy?

I really do love what I do. I love working an account for a year and FINALLY landing it. I love meeting someone in the industry and selling our show to them. I love taking existing business and growing it. I love creating the perfect sponsorship opportunity to help an exhibitor meet their goals at the show. I love the excitement of knowing our numbers and watching them grow and approach our goals. And as any sales person will tell you, making the goal, or exceeding it, is the greatest!

I love the excitement of the show itself…getting onsite and seeing the floor turn into actual booth spaces, then the booth spaces becoming displays, then having booth personnel on the floor, and I love seeing the floor filled with show attendees. I love the parties and the early mornings and the late nights and the networking. I love it when the show closes and everyone packs up, excited to be on their way home. I love the follow up calls after the show, and most of all, I love it that it starts right back over. Love it, love it, love it!

I’m pretty good at what I do. I was very lucky to work for some really smart people for more than 5 years on another show. I learned a lot from those guys. Now, I work for even smarter people, and I’m learning even now. I understand how trade shows work and why they are effective. I know the lingo. I understand how a computer can make my job easier, and I let it, every day. I work for a successful show, #4 in my company to be exact. Out of 18, that’s not bad odds. There are only two of us selling this show, and it’s growing, so obviously we have some talent.

I believe in what I do. I can look myself in the mirror every morning because I’m selling a product I believe in. Our shows are the best – we have the smartest people in the industry working here, and it shows in everything we do. Our trade shows are second to none in professionalism and smarts. It makes me proud to sell a product others view as the best in the industry.

I like the people I work with. I am surrounded by a very smart group of people who are good at their jobs and like what they do. I have friends to go to lunch with, chat with over coffee, and lament with when I need to. People here celebrate our successes and encourage us when things look bleak. We work for a terrific company, and many of us appreciate the opportunities we have here that just aren’t floating around out there for other people. Am I best friends with everyone? Nope, in fact there are a few people here I don’t care for. But in the real world, do you think you can just waltz in someplace and love everyone? No, and I’m ok with that.

Are any of these reasons on their own earth shattering or life changing? No, but the combination of them is so powerful and encompassing, because they define for me why this works for me. As far as I’m concerned, I have the greatest job in the world. I like what I do, I make good money doing it, I like the people I do it with – the trifecta!

My Uncle Jim would dispute that, because he thinks he has the greatest job in the world. He makes things for a living – cabinets and furniture and such. He builds beautifully and with love and respect for his product and his customers. My sister is a CPA – the worse kind of bean counter – and she will tell you she has the greatest job in the world. I have a friend who travels with alumni year round, and she will tell you she has the greatest job in the world.

The simple fact of the matter is that there is no one cookie cutter perfect job, one everyone in the universe should reach for. But I do believe to the core of my being that there is one perfect job for each one of us, and it’s our challenge and duty to find it and go after it.

I love my job for all the reasons I just mentioned. Uncle Jim loves his job because he can take a piece of wood and turn it into something to be treasured for a lifetime. My sister loves her job because somehow all those columns all offset each other and really do mean something. My friend loves her job because she travels the world making new friends and living life large. The common thread for all of us is that we work consciously, seeing the work for what it is, and appreciating it anyway.

I look back at where I was a decade ago, just kind of clicking along in a job with a steady paycheck. It was ok, but nothing compares with having a job I look forward to doing every day. What will today bring? A new sale? A challenge? A roadblock? I never really know, but I’m always excited to find out.

If your job isn’t doing it for you right now, I urge you to find out why and do whatever it takes to make a change. You’re giving 40+ hours a week to your job, and it ought to be a source of pride and enjoyment for you. Whether it’s concrete or cabinets or columns, find out what lights your fire, then fan the embers every day. You owe it to yourself and your sanity to find your passion at work and then hold on to it.

25 things I’m thankful for right now

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I thought it might be worthwhile to come up with a list of things I'm thankful for....

1. 4 years with our beautiful daughter and 14 years with her funny, smart, compassionate daddy
2. That my mom beat cancer this summer
3. A job I like, that I’m pretty good at, that pays me a nice living
4. Everything my mom taught me, from do it right the first time, to how and why to write a thank you note
5. My dear friend JW who has been there for me, no matter what
6. The unconditional love of our varmints Trinity and Lilly
7. Daycare staff who loves my child and keeps her safe so I can work and keep my sanity
8. Eddie Hoch and the time and money he has spend funding a scholarship in my dad’s memory
9. Good healthcare for me and those I love
10. Having family that I like enough to be friends with
11. My precious nieces and nephew
12. Soda Club USA – the best club soda in the world, right in my own kitchen!
13. The financial wherewithal to do what we want when we want
14. Working for the best company in Texas – maybe even in the whole USA
15. Being smart enough to use a computer to make my life easier and a whole lot more fun
16. Lasik
17. TiVo and the DVR Revolution
18. iTunes and Audible
19. Buttercream icing
20. Friends at work who keep me grounded and make lunchtime fun
21. AB is having a girl (finally!)and LA is having a boy
22. My friend JR finished the New York Marathon two weeks ago
23. A&B babies are healthy and thriving and that their dad's head hasn't blown up
24. My terrific inlaws
25. Friday is almost here!!

The problem with "no problem"

By a show of hands, folks, let's see how many of you are offended by this....

You go out somewhere, anywhere really, and someone helps you. A waiter, bank teller, the lady at the drycleaner's, your friendly neighborhood grocery store. You, being the polite person that you are, give your helper a hearty "thank you." And what do you get in return? "No problem!"

Why in the world do people say that? It drives me nuts. By reassuring me that what I've asked for is not a problem, you're really telling me that it actually it is a problem, but you don't want me to think that it is, so you tell me it's not. Makes me crazy.

Why not just say "you're welcome" or "my pleasure" or "any time?" This holds true whether you've helped a customer, a co-worker at the office, or a total stranger. Don't diminish your act of helpfulness by declaring it's no problem. Just say "you're welcome," and maybe flash a smile.

You'll feel better, and your "thanker" will feel better, and the world will be a little bit better because of it.

My Thanksgiving Blessing

Four years ago, my nephew (henceforth known as the World's Greatest Nephew, or WGN) was about 2 1/2. It was our family tradition to meet for dinner at my parents' house every Sunday, where my folks, my husband and I, and my brother, sister-in-law and aforementioned WGN would spend a few quick hours together.

One Sunday in November, I was particularly burdened with the hassles of life. The holidays were coming up, and we would be spending time on the road - two long car trips just three weeks apart. My sister and her husband were coming to town, and we had gifts to buy (how in the world would we pay for it all?!), and parties to attend, and a house to decorate for the season. I had been taking cake decorating classes, and my final was just around the corner, and I was not prepared for that. On top of it all, I would be out of town for a week in January and needed to get my house and husband ready to be on their own for a week.

So this evening, as we sat at the dinner table, my mind was on anything BUT my family. Seemingly out of the blue, my precious nephew looked at me and said "Aunt Nini, you just have EVERYTHING! You have cake, a doggie, and another doggie, and Uncle Gus."

You know, when you're two, all it really takes is some leftover cake, a couple of dogs, and a beloved uncle!! What he said stopped my spinning mind in its tracks! Here I was, consumed with things I had to do, with absolutely no thanks in my heart for the blessings in my life! We were just a few days away from Thanksgiving, but instead of being grateful for what I have, I was busy worrying about the tasks at hand.

I thought for a moment about what I had to be thankful for....My husband and I lived in a small home, but it was ours. We both had cars that worked and were reliable and comfortable enough to take us safely where we needed to go. We had good jobs that we enjoyed, working with people we considered our friends. We were married to people we liked more often than not, we had our health, a couple of great dogs, parents who loved us, and in-laws we enjoyed.

Maybe we weren't filthy rich, didn't have the fanciest house or the newest coolest cars, but by gosh, we had nice enough stuff to make due, and a whole lot more than a lot of people had.

I am still amazed, four years later, at the impact his words have had on my life. I've thought often about that night and am so thankful for the perspective he brought to me. Even when things suck, and they sometimes do, I am able to find things to be grateful for.

Our family has had a tough year. One of the family dogs passed away last December, and my father followed her in March after a terrible struggle with cancer. We suffered through both losses and mourned the ones we loved.

I am thankful, even in the face of such sadness, that we do have things to be grateful for. We have a beautiful daughter who just turned three. We still have the same little house. We still have good cars and good jobs and friends we enjoy, and family who loves us.

This year, I count us lucky to have added a new puppy to the mix, and in August, the World's Greatest Niece joined our family!

If I could bring you a gift, it would be insight like Jarrett brought me that night. Every one of us has something worth valuing and celebrating, and I hope you're able to put aside your mental to-do list long enough to revel in the goodness in your life!!

Happy Holidays to you and yours, regardless of what or how you celebrate!

Chelo Garcia's Tamale Recipe

You want authentic tamales? Wanna know where to get them? Make them yourself, but be sure you get your recipe from an authentic Mexican cook! Thanks to my dear suegra (that’s mother-in-law for you gringos) for sharing her recipe with her Americana daughter-in-law.

Most of the measurements are my own. My mother-in-law cooks the way my own mother does….some of this and some of that. Since my brain doesn’t work that way, I took notes while she showed me how to make the tamales, and I just estimated as I needed to. This recipe will yield around 7 dozen tamales.

The process of assembling the tamales will take twice as long as you think it will. To make it extra fun, invite a couple of good friends and open a bottle of wine!

Ingredients:

• 1 package corn husks
• 1 large Boston Butt Roast (how large? My suegra’s answer…the larger the roast, the more tamales you can make!)
• 2 lbs masa preparada from your local Mexican market. If you don’t have a Mexican market, you will need to make your own masa mixture using dried masa mix. Recommended brand: Ma Se Ca Instant Corn Masa Mix. Follow the instructions on the package.
• Dried red chilis – I suspect New Mexico chilis work best as I believe that’s what my mother-in-law uses, but I cannot confirm this. Online recipes suggest ancho or guajillo chilis.
• 3 cloves fresh garlic
• Salt

Prepare corn husks:
Soak 1 package corn husks in water overnight. You might want to weigh them down with something heavy like a dinner plate to insure they stay submerged.

For filling:

• Remove big chunks of fat from Boston butt roast and cut roast into 1 inch pieces
• Discard fat
• Put meat in stockpot, add some salt and fill with water to about ¾ full
• Bring to boil
• Cover and reduce heat
• Simmer for 3-4 hours until meat is fall apart tender (if you prefer chunkier meat in your tamales, cook for around 2 hours)

While pork cooks, make red chili sauce

Chili Sauce:

• Put on a pair of latex or rubber gloves to protect your hands
• Remove stems and seeds from dried chilis
• Rinse chilis well
• Add to large pot and cover with water
• Bring to boil, boil for several minutes – you just want to soften them, not cook them to death
• Drain cook water, put pods in blender
• Fill blender with water, 3 cloves garlic and a bit of salt
• BE CAREFUL! When you turn your blender on, you’ll splatter red hot chilis all over your kitchen unless you seal the lid well and hold the lid down when the blender turns on.
• Puree the chilis, then strain sauce through a wire mesh strainer. This will remove any leftover seeds or large chunks of chili from your sauce

Finish Filling:

• When meat is good & soft, drain it well and put it in a large bowl
• Let it cool until you can handle it, then check to be sure no hunks of fat or weirdness like cartilage or bone has snuck in. There’s nothing worse than taking a bite of tamale and getting a mouth full of something weird!
• Once you’re sure there’s only meat in the bowl, mash the meat well with a potato masher. You could leave it in chunks or even shred it, but our family prefers it softer, so we mash it.
• Add enough strained red sauce (about ½ cup) to turn meat mixture slightly red and to give it some more flavor
• Add salt to taste

To assemble:

• Drain corn husks and towel dry. You want them soft and damp, but not dripping wet
• Place the husk flat on your workspace, with the tapered end up, away from you, and the the straight edge (opposite the tapered end) near you.
• Spread about 2 TBS masa on husks, (depending on the size of the corn husks). You want to smear the masa in the center of the husk, extending all the way to the straight edge of the husk. Leave a border around the other three sides of about an inch or so on either side, and about 1½ inches on the tapered end of the husk.
• Then put about 2 tsp meat in center of the masa. You want enough to fill the tamale, but not so much that it oozes out.
• Fold husk right to left so that masa touches, then fold the left side closed and fold up the end
• Use a small strip of corn husk to tie the folded end up - just wrap it around the tamale and tie it in a knot

You can cook the tamales right away or freeze them in a zip-top freezer bag. You will want to thaw them completely before cooking them.

To cook:

• Stand tamales open end up in steam basket
• Fill pan with water just below base of basket
• Cover and simmer/steam for about 1½ hours, checking frequently to insure water doesn’t cook off.
• Add water as needed
• To test for doneness, take one tamale out and cool it for a few minutes. Unwrap it and check to be sure the masa is firm, not mushy. If it’s mushy, you need to cook the tamales a bit longer

Tamales can be served plain as an appetizer, as a main dish with rice and beans, or alongside eggs for breakfast. Store cooked tamales up to a week in the fridge.

As for the leftover chili sauce, it makes remarkable chicken enchiladas!