Sunday, March 15, 2009

Facebook fine

Ok, is it a total slap in the face of all that is holy to post this on a Sunday? I got if from Facebook, and I think it is hysterical.

The way this works is that you read through the list of offenses below and tally up what you've done, then charge yourself a fine, according to the amounts prescribed.

When I did the math, I came up with ...... $495. Oh, my. Lady Steele is a dirty girl indeed!

I will send a $10 Starbucks gift certificate to the loyal reader who can come up with the EXACT combination of sins I committed to reach the magic sum of $495. (And yes, I have a spreadsheet, so don't try to get fancy on me).

By the way, you will have to give me not only your name, but also your email address, and I will call you out in a MAJOR way if you're smart enough to figure out exactly which of the offenses I've committed!!

1) Smoked pot -- $10
2) Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk --$50
3) Cheated on your significant other -- $10
4) Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
5) Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
6) Went streaking -- $5
7) Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
8) Kissed a co-worker-- $ 20
9)Kissed your boss --$50
10) Been arrested -- $5
11) Spent time in jail -- $15
12) Peed in the pool -- $0.50
13) Played spin the bottle -- $5
14) Done something you regret -- $20
15) Slept with your best friend >-- $20
16) Been in love with a stripper -- $20
17) Went skinny dipping -- $5
18) Been slapped-- $5
19) Slapped someone-- $5
20) Beat up someone -- $20
21) Been jumped -- $10
22) Ever had sex at church -- $25
23) Dated someone you met on My Space -- $25
24) Cheated on test -- $50
25) Vandalized something -- $20
26) Slept with someone in your parents' bed -- $100
27) Crossed dressed -- $10
28) Given money to stripper -- $25
29) Flirted with an officer to get out of a ticket-- $30
30) Been in love with a stripper -- $20
31) Kissed some one who's name you didn't know --$10
32) Hit on some one of the same sex while at work-- $15
33) Ever drive drunk -- $20
34) Used toys while having sex -- $30
35) Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
36) Had sex in a pool -- $20
37) Masturbated -- $10
38) Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$20
39) Done oral -- $5
40) Got oral -- $5
41) Done / got oral in a car while it was moving-- $25
42) Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you-- $40
43) Stole something -- $10
44) Slept with someone who has been in jail -- $25
45) Made a dirty home video -- $15
46) Plan on making a dirty home video in the near future --$30
47) Had a threesome -- $50
48) Had sex in a public place-- $20
49) Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
50) Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars --$20
51) Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
52) Kissed a teacher while you were still a student--$25
53) Lied to your mate -- $5
54) Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

Smoking pot and going to/getting drunk at work only counts once (each offense), so don't try to get creative.

If no one wins, I promise to spend exactly $495 on therapy. That should be just about enough to rid myself of any feelings of guilt or regret. Or veneral diseases. I'm just saying

.

3 comments:

Clarissa said...

I keep trying but I can not imagina you doing some of these things - or maybe I do not want to imagine you doing these things. Ran into Little G and Nana at the OG yesterday for lunch!

C.A said...

Jesus lord, I need to repent and go to church ASAP!!! I got 505.50!!!!! I wish my girls never see this...I guess I am not as boring as I thought I was.

Chad and Mary Kate Martin said...

You've never ever EVER pee'd in a pool??? I don't buy that!